This Means War!!

Those sadistic b@$terds with Al-Qaeda may have created the most nefarious weapon to ever threaten the average American male.

Building on such terror tools as flying hijacked planes into buildings and the infamous shoe bomb, they've gone a step further and created a weapon that will have every man in America quivering in fear: the exploding boobie.

As reported by British intelligence (which may or may not be an oxymoron, I'm not sure), plastic surgeons with Arabic sympathies from all over the globe are flying home, ostensibly to implant explosives in the chests of female volunteers.

Strip clubs, Spring Break, and Mardi Gras will never be the same. Now when a pretty girl starts to flash her t!t$, men will dive for cover instead of gawk and stare.

Where's JFK when you need him? As a man who had a fine-tuned appreciation for a nice set of h00ters, he'd be launching nukes at this latest threat. Heck, even Clinton would've "risen" to the occassion...

A Cold Day in Texas

We're expecting snow today, which according to forecasters is the earliest recorded instance of snow in this area. So much for global warming, huh?

Anyway, checked the outside faucets last night to make sure they were wrapped, which they weren't. I'm not worried about the other pipes, which are in the attic and are very well wrapped and are buried in blown-in insulation. Cas was at WM already, so I called and asked her to pick up some insulating wrap.

Seems like everyone else had the same idea.

So what to do? I came up with the ingenious plan of wrapping the faucets in plastic WM bags and then putting a coffee can over them to hold the wrap in place and keep it dry.

I didn't even use duct tape...

Has it been a year already?

Wow!

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Hard to believe it's been a year, but things have flown by very, very quickly. Staying busy tends to have that effect.

Which is my excuse for the extreme lack of posts, I've been busy.

So sue me.

Live Like You Were Dying

Sorry I haven't blogged in quite a while, but things have been fairly busy around here. Luckily, I'm on Spring Break this week, so I have a few extra minutes.

Even Spring Break has been hectic, trying to get caught up on the "to-do" list around the house and with the fire department. Yesterday, I managed to combine fire department duties with having fun. The rescue boat had not been in the water for several months and desperately needed to be run, so my brother and I loaded it up, along with his son and my youngest daughter, and headed to the lake.

We motored around the lake for the better part of two hours, stopping for a few minutes on an island out in the middle so the kids could do some exploring. It was there that I saw something that few people ever see, at least in the wild - a bald eagle.

It was perched high in a pine tree and we watched it for several minutes before it took off, to be joined by another as they circled over the lake.

Check that one off the list...

A Christmas to Remember

The last few days have been a whirlwind. We spent Christmas Eve at my parents opening gifts, then went to Cassie's mom's house for Christmas dinner and gifts there. Somewhere in between, we opened gifts here at the house and I got sick. Very, very sick.

So bad that Cas had to drive home last night from her mom's. I'm lying in the front seat, feeling like someone had went after my tonsils with a steel brush and some guy named Tony or Sal or Vinnie has taken a baseball bat to my knees. I, to put it lightly, was miserable.

At that point, I look over at my wife in the front seat, my son Natthan in the second-row, and my daughter Savannah, who was curled up in the third row, fast asleep. Joe was in there somewhere, but he was sitting directly behind me, so I couldn't see him. I realized that I had had the best Christmas ever.

The more things change...

Seems the "change" promised by Obama during his campaign is just a return to the same-old, same-old. So far the majority of his appointments have ties to the Clinton Administration. Hmmmm... wonder if the Obamaites wished they had asked what he meant by "change."

Can't say I didn't try and warn them. Seems like we've been sold a pig-in-a-poke.

Oh, and I'm tired. 4:00AM structure fire calls will do that to you.

Pointing Fingers

After reading this e-mail sent to me

Be afraid, be very afraid…

To those of you who voted for the Republicans and John McCain be afraid, be very afraid. The country has elected an educated, smart, thoughtful, man who weights his decisions calmly and decidedly after careful consideration of all sides and a great deal of deliberation even from opposing views.

Those of you who haven't read a book all year, watch trash TV, listen to Rush, follow Nascar and complain about the Mexicans, be afraid be very afraid. The world is leaving you behind. Your main concern is the right to life question yet, you support the death penalty and an ill-conceived war in the Middle East that has killed tens of thousands of people that never were our enemies. You make judgments based on your belief yet, deny someone else to do the same. You are right and no one else is allowed an opinion. Only you know what God meant. You quote the Bible yet, live as far away from the Christian life as anyone can get. The vile and hatred that comes out of your mouth and your computers is beyond anyone's imagination. We are promised that how we judge others is the way God will judge us. Be afraid, be very afraid.

After 8 years of a President that has trashed the constitution, lied to the nation and those around him, brought down our economy, left us with trillions of dollars of debt and cost us our standing in the world, be afraid, be very afraid. The world is changing and leaving you behind.

Stay in your double- wides with your guns, stay ignorant, don't think a new thought, condemn those who dare to say what if and hate all those who don't believe exactly as you do and be afraid, be very afraid because there is no place left for you to go.

I felt compelled to respond in kind:

As a party that has preached it is a time to unite, a time when all opinions matter, what do we see but Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid upset with Senator Joe Lieberman because he spoke his opinion at the Republican National Convention. Upset enough to suggest stripping him of his Homeland Security Committee chairmanship. This isn’t unity, it’s a vendetta!

The article you quote paints all conservatives as being uneducated rednecks, so who is judging whom here? I don’t watch NASCAR, I don’t listen to Rush, I certainly don’t watch trash TV, and I’ve read a multitude of books in the last year. I don’t complain about Mexicans, only illegal immigrants, regardless of where they are from. I’m not a perfect Christian and seldom ever quote the Bible and despise those who do and I certainly don’t know what God meant and won’t till I meet him face-to-face. However, I do support the death penalty and am privately right-to-life (how someone can be against killing a hardened criminal yet think it’s perfectly alright to snuff out the life of an unborn child is beyond me), BUT I also support a woman’s right to choose. I don’t want the government telling me what I can or can’t do with my own body (or in my own bedroom) and certainly don’t believe it should do the same to anyone else.

President Bush certainly doesn’t have the market cornered on lying to the nation. Nancy Pelosi stood in the hallowed halls of Congress less than eight weeks ago and blamed the Bush Administration and its policy of de-regulation (supposedly via the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, signed by Bill Clinton) for the mortgage industry fiasco, when Clinton himself even disagreed with this assumption. However, no mention was made of the fact that the Administration in 2005 requested legislation to create a new agency to oversee the mortgage industry. House Democrats, led by Barney Frank, killed this in committee, with Frank even going as far as to say that there was nothing wrong with the industry and it was all just Administration scare tactics. Do an Internet search if you think I’m lying! And while economics is far too complex to blame the current collapse on one issue, the sub-prime loan fiasco, caused by giving home loans to those who most likely should not have gotten them, is a major cause. Lay that one squarely on the feet of Clinton and the Democrats as they pressured Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae to relax their draconian lending standards so that more people could be able to purchase a home. Once again, do the research if you don’t believe me.

The author’s diatribe was laced with stereotypes that if directed toward anyone but white conservatives, would have been quickly condemned! What if someone had told blacks to stay in their ghettos, living off welfare, and eating fried chicken and watermelon? That person would have been verbally stoned on the spot, but the author uses generalizations that are every bit as strong.

The author needs to do a little reading and assuage his or her own ignorance. Economic theory would be a good place to start. Most economists will tell you that the changes brought about by economic policy aren’t felt for more than ten years, meaning that many of the issues that Bush dealt with were the product of Clinton’s policies. You don’t have to take my word on it (despite the fact that I do have a MBA), go do the research. I do hate that the debt tripled, but losing the support of the Germans and French, both of which had back-room, under-the-table dealings with Saddam Hussein… well, I’m not mourning.

And I’ll agree that many innocent lives have been lost in both Iraq and Afghanistan (as has been the case with war throughout history), but it also eliminated many extremists that would gladly kill you or me, and have done so in the past and continue to do so. Did you miss the news where Christian missionaries have been killed in both countries, their only crime was spreading the Gospel?

I do believe that we did elect an educated, intelligent, and thoughtful man to be President, but I also believe the same could have been said for the other candidate. I didn’t support Obama the candidate because I disagree with some of his policies (a tax increase, no matter which segment is targeted, has historically NEVER had positive results), but now that he is our President, I will support him to the best of my ability. I might not always agree with him and will question when I think necessary, but I will support him. It sickens my stomach to see the way some conservatives have reacted to Obama’s election (particularly the racist comments), but the I can say the same for some liberals. The biggest object of my disgust with regards to liberals is the double-standard they wish to apply, that nothing negative can be said about the President-elect, yet they’ve spent the last eight years disparaging the outgoing President (see below for an example).

The article does a lot of finger-pointing, but remember, when you point fingers, there’s four pointing back at you.

I Like Ike... NOT!!!

We had a most unwanted visitor over the weekend, fellow by the name of Ike. Came in, raining on everyone's parade, blowing a lot of air around, and just generally trashing the place. Everyone was glad to see him go and hopes no one like him comes around here for quite awhile.
.
Now we have to clean up the mess he made and it's going to be awhile, since he even managed to knock out the power. Luckily, we have generators and the phone (and Internet) is still working. The biggest problem is finding fuel to keep the generator running.

But we'll make it, just like it did when a little b!t&h named Rita paid us a visit.

Four Months to the Day...

... was the last time I posted in this blog.

It has been a very, very busy summer.

I worked most of the summer running a tractor, cutting and baling hay, getting a really, really good tan.

I spent the first part of August moving into a new house, combining a household with my fiance. My family went from two to six overnight, which would be an overwhelming change, except that I let most of it slide off onto someone whose shoulders are much broader than mine.

And no, I'm not talking about my fiance.

Stealing my Foundation

Sorry I've not posted in quite awhile, but it seems that every time I feel like posting, it concerns politics and the current Presidential primaries. In order to preserve my sanity and keep my blood pressure to manageable levels, I've avoided posting.

It seems that the Democratic candidates are engaged in a titanic battle to see just who can insult the general public's intelligence, including mine.

So I'd much rather deal with something truly comic. Tonight I'm listening to the local sheriff's dispatcher on the radio in my truck when I hear the following, "Need you to public service this lady who insists on speaking with a deputy concerning the theft of the foundation from underneath her home."

Whiskey

Tango

Foxtrot?

Then from the backseat opines my sixteen-year old, "Who would steal a foundation from under a house?"

I'm seriously considering going to the pharmacy and picking up one of those home drug tests.

Re-affirmations

Ever notice how a series of events can occur that will re-affirm that which you already knew. For instance, in the last several weeks I've had several of my theories about how the world works blatantly confirmed:

1) Having money does not necessarily mean that you are intelligent, especially if you marry or are born into it.

2) Having an education also does not mean that you are intelligent.

3) Hard work and progress are not always rewarded, especially by those who have no real concept of what truly is hard work (see #1).

4) It only takes one or two dumb@$$es to frak up the work of ten others.

5) There are those who will readily take the glory for your successes and blame you for their failures.

6) There are those who don't know when something is going right nor do they have a clue when it is going wrong. I like to refer to these people as "ostriches."

7) The vast majority of the world's problems could be solved by a good old-fashioned East Texas @$$whuppin'.

Just some observations of an evil genius. Those mentioned above will be the first lined up against the wall when I become Supreme Overlord of the planet.

Reverend Wright... or Wrong?!?

Much has been said in the media over the few days about Barack Obama's pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, and his "God Damn America" sermon. While there has been an uproar over a few select snippets, many taken out of context, when you view the sermon as a whole, you realize that it is even more sinister than it initially appeared.

Aside from taking a decidedly erroneous revisionist view of history, the most disturbing view of the sermon is the Reverend Wright's continuation of one of the greatest pitfalls facing society today: the inability of a people to be accountable for their own circumstances. Even scarier, instead of lauding those who are successful, he proceeds to lambaste them.

What kind of society do when live in, when those who rise above their circumstances are spoken of derogatorily and those who wallow in quagmires of their own making are pardoned of their sins?

What the Reverend Wright gave was a political speech from the pulpit, decidedly blurring the line between state and religion, yet no one has called him on this. He spoke of people, using words that were decidedly unfavorable, yet no one has taken him to task for this. Had he been a politician, his career would have been over, yet no one has held him accountable because he was a preacher supposedly preaching a sermon, though the context of the sermon was decidedly political.

Amazingly, the media is making a bigger deal out of snippets taken out of context. That's like pointing out the smoke while ignoring the fire.

Fiddling While Rome Burns

Two hundred and thirty years ago, a group of brave men decided to go against the odds, to wager personal fortunes and their lives for a cause they deemed worth fighting for. They placed the greater good above their own personal wants and desires and changed history.

Two thousand years ago, the average Roman did the same, placing their wants and desires secondary to the glory of Rome. Within a few short centuries, through the courage and determination of its citizens, Rome ruled an empire.

Then a terrible thing happened. The average Roman allowed their wants and desires to overrule the greater good as the glory of Rome was placed secondary to these wants and desires. Within a few short centuries, Rome was gone.

Now we stand facing the same scenario as our ancient Roman brethren. Two centuries ago, average American citizens placed America first, starting us on our journey to greatness. Now, the average American is more concerned about his or her wants and desires, not about what America needs. Need proof? Listen to the presidential candidates as they promise to take care of your needs, not America's needs.

And while we're being taken care of, Rome is falling around us...

To Post or Not to Post...

... that is the question? Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of those who post quantity instead of quality, or to take up the keyboard and vanquish them.

To sleep, perchance to write. And by writing, we mean the writing that gives credence to our very existence,that offers a glimpse into our hearts and our souls. The writing that opens up the very same and invites criticism and praise, heartbreak and fame, that oftentimes gives nothing in return for our labors.

For writing is a window into our dreams, our emotions, our lives. It's easy to sit back and read and criticize, and much more difficult to bare it all.

To write, perchance to dream...

An Ode to Saint Valentine

Historically speaking, there probably never was a saint by that name or there may have been several. How appropriate that we celebrate this day proclaiming love, that amorphous and often ephemeral concept, for our dearly beloved. Ask anyone to define love and they'll begin to stutter and stammer, finally proclaiming, "you'll know it when you feel it."

So what is love? I'm not sure there is one definitive answer, but for me, the true indicator is when you simply cannot imagine being separated from that person. This Valentine's Day will be the first in a long while that I can openly celebrate such love.

Seeing God Dog

I recently read the book "The Shack" under the recommendation of my most favorite person in the world. A fictional account of one man's journey to understand and accept the love that the Lord gives us, the book struck a chord deep within. Often we question God's love, especially in the midst of bad occurences, and find ourselves in the position of judging Him. Is that what Christ meant by "...judge not lest ye be judged...?"

At some point I had an epiphany, realizing that it might not be entirely a coincidence that God spelled backwards is dog. Short of our Lord's love, nothing is greater than the love of a dog for his, or her, master. A dog's love is completely unconditional, as close as we will ever come to knowing God's love, and far beyond the limitations and expectations we humans often come to place as a condition of our love for one another.

So by watching a dog, do we come close to seeing God? Or do we just see our own horrible failings. Maybe we should try harder to emulate our canine friends...

Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz...

... so I can be a selfish snob, like all of my friends.

This weekend, the FD did a "Fill-the-Bucket" fundraiser at the local four-way intersection. Now while a good many people don't donate, a good many do, and for that I am very grateful.

However, we have noticed a disturbing trend when it comes to the drivers of luxury vehicles. If someone drives a Cadillac, Lexus, Infiniti, BMW, Mercedes, Acura, etc, they WILL NOT donate. While the percentage of donaters in non-luxury cars is probably around 35%, the percentage of donaters driving luxury vehicles couldn't be greater than 5%.

Why is this? Obviously they have money as evidenced by the car they drive, so why do they donate at a far lower rate than those who drive non-luxury cars. I have two theories:

First, it's possible that the driver's of luxury vehicles are a little more technologically astute, solely using debit cards and foregoing the use of petty cash.

Or it could be that they're just selfish, self-absorbed @$$h0!&$ that would rather spend money on luxury cars than give to charity.

Gittin' Hitched

There's nothing that will illustrate the difference in how men and women view marriage more clearly than, well... a wedding. Or more precisely, that moment in time during the wedding reception when the bride and groom "pick" which of their friends or relatives will be unlucky enough to walk down the aisle next.

Yes, I'm talking about the traditional tossing of the bouquet and the garter.

Women rush to gather for the chance to catch the bouquet and will climb over, around, and through each other to get to it. You will never, ever see a bouquet hit the ground.

Men, on the other hand, have to be called three or four times to gather, with many single men suddenly pretending to already be married to avoid this. Men will make no effort to catch the garter, and if it does hit the ground, which it often will, will stand staring at it mumbling, "Dude, it's closer to you, YOU pick it up!"

Maybe there should be lights, a pole, and bump-and-grind music. The guys would be killing each other to get to the garter then, if only to stuff it with dollar bills.

Oh wait, I forgot, that happens the night before the wedding.

For Those Unclear on the Concept(s)...

... here's a quick clue by four.

Alright, there are some things in life that really, really shouldn't require any explanation, yet there are those mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging morons that don't quite seem to have the requisite mental capacity to deduce the most rudimentary of concepts. For those semi-sentient life forms, I'll try my best to explain. To wit:

EXPRESS LANE - The first word is defined as "fast or direct," meaning that this should be a rather quick and painless way of paying for those four or five items in your cart and exiting the store in a fairly timely manner. Unfortunately, some people either can't read English, failed basic mathematics, or are just plain stupid. "10 (or 20) Items or Less" does not mean 16 (or 26 items). 16 or 26 is NOT less than 10 (or 20), it is more. The use of coupons also runs contrary to the basic definition, as does writing a check! Pay cash or use a debit card, for the love of all things sacred! AND DO NOT COMPLAIN IF SOMETHING IS $0.10 MORE THAN THE ADVERISED PRICE, causing the clerk to have to call for a price check! This will cause those in the queue behind to begin to plot your demise in the most painful way possible.

SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT - While this seems simple, at face value, there are those that can't seem to understand, causing the State of Texas to replace these signs with "LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY," an incredibly uncomplicated directive that only the braindead would fail to heed. Unfortunately, it seems that Texas has a rather statistically improbable higher percentage of braindead than normal, seeing as how in a fairly short stretch of interstate a fairly large number of drivers will continue driving in the left lane, oblivious to the ever increasing number of vehicles behind them, whose drivers are now plotting their demise in the most painful way possible.

ATM MACHINES - If you find yourself in line at the ATM, particularly the drive-through type and especially if you are two or three cars back, now would be a good time to locate your ATM card, rather than wait till you're actually at the machine to begin searching through your purse, console, glovebox, floorboard, etc.

FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMPS - When one is entering the flow of traffic, the basic laws of physics dictates that you should be travelling at a speed relative to the flow of traffic prior to entering said flow. You should NOT enter the flow of traffic at a speed ten to twenty miles below the speed at which traffic is travelling. This basic concept means you ACCELERATE on a freeway on-ramp, not hit your brakes! Going slow and hitting your brakes is in fact counter-productive and will cause you to experience a rather abrupt introduction to the laws of physics, especially the one about momentum.

CELLULAR PHONES - Some people just need to HANG UP AND DRIVE!! See the above references to SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT and FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMPS.

The preceeding has been a Public Service Announcement from your's truly...

Two Parties and a Funeral

This weekend was hectic, fun, tiring, and restful... all in one.

Friday night was spent at the birthday party for a thirteen-year old. Yep, she's now officially a teenager - let the hormone poisoning begin.

Saturday night was spent at a Halloween party at a fellow teacher's house. Lots of fun and games and lively conversation, while I will never be able to look upon a Timex the same again.

Both nights had me staying up long past my bedtime, but it was definitely well worth it.

The funeral part comes in on Sunday, in that I practically died on the couch, cuddled up with my favorite person and with Buford. Out like a light, staring at the back of my eyelids instead of watching the football game as I'd intended. Not that I missed much, the Texans were murdered by the Chargers, buried by an avalanche of turnovers.

How to Create a Team... or Not

I recently watched a high school football game at a school that has a long-standing traditon of losing. After watching the coaches keep the first-string offense and defense on the field the entire game, even when losing by over twenty points with less than two minutes to go, and noticing several players that stood on the sideline the entire game without going in for even one play, I think I know why.

For all their talk of being a team and teamwork, these coaches don't have the first clue about how to build a team.

OK, so here's a quick clue-by-four...

The first, and foremost, rule for building a team: make every member of the team believe that they are a vital and important part of the team. When you leave players standing on the sideline for the whole game, even when losing badly, you're telling those players that they are not even worth mop-up duty. In essence, you're telling them they are worthless.

And someone who is made to feel they are worthless will never buy into the whole "team" concept.

Now don't misunderstand, I'm not advocating giving every player a chance to play out of some sense of fairness or wanting everyone to be treated equal. If the game is close and you stand a chance of winning, keep the first string in there, but when the game is clearly lost is another story.

That Giant Sucking Sound

First Rita, then Humberto-- two hurricanes bearing down on Galveston and Houston that both turned hard to the northeast and hit around the Texas/Louisiana line. Why?

I thought about it for all of about ten seconds when I came up with a decidedly un-scientific answer:

It's the casinos, stupid.

Casinos, by design, are there to suck vast amounts of cash from the pockets of their hapless patrons. They are very, very good at this, to the point that I'm just going to start handing $20 bills to random casino employees. That would accomplish the same thing as playing the slots and would make more people happy.

The problem is, these cash-sucking vaccuums also seem to affect large weather formations, such as hurricanes. As these storms near the Texas coast, they can't break free from the bankruptcy-inducing vortex and are sucked right into Louisiana.

Karma's a b!t(&, isn't it...

Thar she blows!!! Or not...

For the second time in less than a month, our area has been spared the effects of a hurricane. Back in August, Hurricane Dean had everyone running around like proverbial chickens, only to turn south and slam into Mexico. Same thing happened with Tropical Storm Erin.

Yesterday, Tropical Storm Humberto rapidly spun into existence off the coast of Galveston and, initially at least, headed directly our way. Liberty County was poised to take a direct hit from this storm, with rain projected at between five and fifteen inches. MAJOR flooding was expected.

That was the story when I went to bed around 21:00, fully expecting to be awakened by a pager's tone sometime after midnight. Instead a full bladder awakened me at 3:00. I listened for the sound of heavy rain, but heard nothing. Buford's bladder was apparently full also, so I go to the back door, expecting him to run out and right back in (see previous blog post).

I open the door to find not only no rain, but no hint that it had rained at all. Obviously perplexed, I fire up the laptop to check the situation. Seems Humberto is now a full-fledged hurricane, but he's decided to pull a hard right and visit the Beaumont area instead of Houston.

So we've dodged yet another bullet.

And you thought you were old!!!

Today was very, very interesting. I attended a seminar for teachers at the Houston Museam of Natural Science hosted by the Center for the America Idea. While most of the day was spent listening to interesting lectures by noted historians, the highlight of the seminar was a visit to the "Legacy of Lucy" exhibit.

If you don't know who Lucy is, or was, she is one of the oldest known hominid fossils. It is noted for being the most complete skeleton of a creature known as australopithecus afarensis that lived app. 3.2 million years ago.

That's right-- 3.2 million years ago. There is something awe-inspiring about looking at bones from a creature that lived that long ago.

Makes my 39 years a pittance in comparison...

The First Date

Today, as someone who doesn't have a daughter, I experienced a facsimile of what it must be like for a father to watch his precious girl go out on her first date: I let someone borrow my new vehicle for an extended road trip.

My brother calls this morning, inviting me to tag along with he and the nephew to Lufkin to see the zoo. I politely declined, opting instead to stay home and vegetate. After the first week of school, I need some serious down time to rejuvenate.

He then asks if he can borrow my new Sorento for the trip. I hesitated before I said yes, knowing the various reasons he would want to take it instead of his old truck, namely gas mileage and safety. That and it is new.

An hour or so later, we're swapping keys and I'm watching my baby go down the road with another at the wheel. I'll be waiting patiently at the door, with a shotgun, for her return. If there is so much as a scratch...

Bark, Bark... Bark... Bark

Buford and I have this nightly ritual, consisting of me turning on the back porch light and opening the door, then he runs out and barks at... who knows what.

This happens every night without fail, until tonight. Tonight I turn on the light, open the back door, Buford runs out, and I hear one, "Arrff." That was it.

I listen a little closer and I can hear the pitter-patter of rain.

Ahhh... that explains it. I open the door and Boo comes scurrying back inside.

I guess rituals don't hold up well against getting wet in the eyes of a canine.

Back to School

Wow, I hadn't realized that it's been nearly a month since my last post. You know what they say about time flying...

Anyway, the dread start of the school year made its annual appearance on Monday, ending my idyllic respite and forcing me to do something to earn my paycheck. Its somewhat exciting, considering that I'm teaching a brand-new class for which I managed to get approval.

How many high schools can say they have a firefighting class? Not many, less that ten in the whole state of Texas, and we're one of them. Unfortunately, many of the students want to treat it like just another elective: a blow-off class that they don't have to take seriously.

They couldn't be more wrong.

I'm going into it with the mind-set that every one of them will one day use this class to be a firefighter, either career or volunteer. Suddenly, the class becomes serious... deadly serious. In firefighting, those things that you don't learn can one day get you killed or seriously injured. I've expressed that to the students, very forcefully, in fact. We'll see how many drop now that they know how it's really going to be...

I'm a Texan

Last night, Nate and I went to the Houston Texans' practice near Reliant Stadium. I think he had a good time, though with him it can be difficult to tell at times. At least we got free t-shirts out of it.

Afterwards, we went to Denny's, to which he claims he's never been, and enjoyed dinner. Then it was off to his mom's to drop him off for the weekend.

So today I'm at home, trying to take care of FD business. The training seminar I'm planning for September is taking up an inordinate amount of my time, but other matters are rearing their ugly heads. Seems someone with the county dropped the ball and the paperwork necessary for the FD to be paid for May and June never made it to the county auditor. Then Verizon decided to drop part of the calling plan for no apparent reason, resulting in a larger-than-normal bill.

So after a relaxing evening, it's back to the rat-race today.

The Sound of Crickets Chirping

Or the sound of darts thudding into a board whilst playing cricket.

I'll take the second. The first tends to keep me awake when I desparately wish to sleep.

I recently mounted a dartboard cabinet on one of the walls at the house. This cabinet has the doors that open with scorekeeping boards on the inside of the doors, along with a place to store the darts.

Contrary to the naysayers, after playing four full games of cricket, only three darts have hit the wall instead of the board, and one of those was a ricochet that hit a side wall.

As it stands, I'm three-games-to-one against the fifteen year-old, and one of those was an amazing come-from-behind or else it would be even at 2-2.

Never argue with a moron...

... they'll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Those living in the Houston-area have, by now, heard about the large apartment-complex fire in Channelview. The Houston Chronicle has done a good job of covering the fire and the resulting investigation.

However, the Chronicle allows comments on their stories. There's this one moron that claims the fire destroyed so much because the fire departments were volunteer and "just watched in burn" and that "this would've never happened in Houston."

What a crock of $h!t!!!!!!!!

As the Assistant Chief of a volunteer fire department, this just infuriates me, the assumption that volunteers are inferior to the paid departments. Many volunteers have the same training and certifications as their paid counterparts, yet they don't do it for the money. They give their time and effort, often putting their lives on the line, for free.

And while many, many people recognize this sacrifices, there are the morons that would rather stab volunteers in the back when they deserve a pat on the back.

Like Bill Engvall says, "You just can't fix stupid."

Talking to Psychos

I had a conversation with my favorite psychologist the other day about all of the drama that has been created in these parts. I had to cackle at her "professional" diagnosis of what was going on and those that were involved.

For those who think psychologists are quacks, it was amazing the insights she gave me into people's actions. She described to the letter everything that was going on. Talking with her was refreshing and confirmed my own take on the whole situation. When someone who is miles away and a very impartial third-party can describe the actions of certain people without prompting, it seems that it is a textbook diagnosis.

So I can rest easy knowing that I'm not the only one who thinks the world is crazy.

The Week in Review

I've spent the last week at Texas A&M University for the annual fire school, being bored out of my mind. That's not to say I haven't learned anything, but being stuck in class for eight hours is not my idea of fun.

I did manage to finish the last book in the Harry Potter series. Great ending, very fitting.

So, I've got one more day here in College Station before I get to go home and relax.

Cuss-tomer (dis)Service Revisisted

Clue by four to ALL retailers:

DO NOT PUT YOUR SLOWEST FRAKING CHECKER IN THE "10 (or 15 or 20) ITEMS OR LESS LESS LANE!!!!

It is supposed to be the "Speedy" or "Quick" or WTF ever lane.

Dammit, get with the program.

The So-Called Experts

Experts are those that know everything there is to know in a chosen field.

Yet, they tell us we learn from our mistakes.

So, does that mean that experts have simply learned everything from their mistakes?

Therefore, experts are nothing more than monumental failures.

Preaching from a Moral Swamp

I recently read a very interesting article about alcoholism and alcoholics. The article was not just about alcoholics, but dealt with anyone that had an addictive personality and how they dealt with those around them.

One of the ways that someone with an addictive personality will deal with their condition is by finding another person whose character is beyond reproach, someone with high moral and ethical standards, and then do everything they can to tear this person down. That way the addictive personality can feel better about themselves.

The basic thought proces of the addictive personality is that if the person with the high moral standards can fail, then they, the addictive personality, aren't as bad as everyone else must think. It gives the addictive personality justification for their actions.

So instead of dealing with their own problems, they create problems for others.

"That which we obtain too easily..."

"... we esteem too lightly." -- Thomas Paine

Truer words could not be spoken. In today's world of instant gratification and fast, loose relationships, it seems we have lost our appreciation for the things that really matter.

The Bible tells us that, "...the laborer is worthy of his reward," adding weight to Paine's thoughts. If we wish to gain a great reward, we must put forth great labor to achieve it.

Unfortunately, there are those that, in today's ADD world, have neither the motivation nor fortitude to even make the necessary attempt at something that would even seem to be difficult.

Then there are those naysayers that would discourage the laborer, or worse, those that actively resist their efforts.

I wonder what their reward shall be?

Up(land) a Creek without a paddle....

Need I say more?

Maybe I should pay a visit and have a brief tryst for old times sake. I mean, come on, we were dating for so long, right?

Maybe a prophetic quote from the book of Dan(iel), "Cut down the tree and trim off its branches..."

I will play the role of the lumberjack, the tree is coming down, I won't even bother with the branches.

Putting your head in the noose...

Hmmmm...

There are those that think they are being so sophisticated and smart, yet they really don't understand that in the age of the Internet, everything is out there for public viewing.

I read a book recently that had the following line, "If your word is worthless, so are you."

Truer words could not be spoken.

Seems there is an abundance of worthless people in this world.

Pulling my head out of the noose

How does one let things get so complicated? Is a condemnation of the world that we live in that we allow fear and intimidation dictate the way we live our lives?

I, for one, am tired of it all. When fear immobilizes our actions and clouds our judgement, then fear and the fearmongers have won.

I'm tired of being afraid...

Sunday Evening Musings

Spending the afternoon at the neighbor's house, drinking beer and playing football, watching the children swim in the pool, what could be better, right?

Something you don't hear every day,"... you're going to have trouble sucking something as little as that..."

This was in reference to siphoning gas, I swear!!

I found that running into a mud puddle while running a pattern in a football game has an hilarious outcome, that being the would-be receiver falling flat on his face, in said mud puddle.

Did you know that a twenty-pound dog sheds more than enough fur in just a few minutes to clog up the average bathtub?

The Spinning has Slowed

The last few days have been a whirlwind. Compress the death and subsequent memorial service of a dear friend's son, a major fundraiser for the FD, and a new car purchase into the space of only four days and you'll understand what my life has been like recently. It's like the world decided to spin even faster than normal.

Hopefully the rest of the summer will be at a more relaxed pace.

Please disregard my earlier post about frustration...

... because I now know an even greater sense of frustration.

It's the frustration borne of knowing a very dear friend is suffering an irreconcilable loss and there is little-to-nothing I can do about it, aside from just being there for her and her family and offering my prayers and support.

It makes not being able to buy the car you wanted pale in comparison.

The Art of Frustration

Monday morning, I submit the requisite paperwork to the stealership to begin the process of purchasing my new car. Monday afternoon, they call and tell me I'm approved on the car I wanted.

So Tuesday morning I spend over an hour removing all my FD related equipment such as the emergency lights, siren, and radio. That afternoon I drive to the stealership to complete the paperwork.

That's when things go downhill. I know my credit isn't perfect, having discharge bankruptcy back in 2004, but it's been spotless since then. I wasn't expecting a great interest rate, but I also wasn't expecting the raping they were planning. I unequivocally refuse to pay 20% interest on a car note.

So I still have my truck and I'm still looking.

If patience is a virtue, frustration is an art.

Shoot First, Ask Questions Later

Well, after staring down two bullets with regards to my truck, it seems I again have the gun pointed squarely at me. Checking the transmission fluid doesn't bring forth the normal bright red hue ,especially after having changed the filter and fluid only a week ago, but rather a grayish substance. That is NOT a good sign!!! You can actually feel the grit if you rub it between your fingers.

So before I find myself attempting to dodge (no pun intended) yet another round, I'm going to strike pre-emptively and trade in the truck. I've got my eyes set on a brand new Kia Sorrento SUV. Tomorrow morning will find me waiting impatiently at the stealership to go through all the motions necessary to make it mine.

Wish me luck and if I don't return by nightfall, send out search parties.

Mutually Assured Destruction

The other night, being incredibly bored, I was flipping through the myriad channels that my sattelite company offers when I came across a program on the Military Channel. They were discussing the Cold War between the US and the Soviet Union. Most of it dealt with how both nations fought this war primarily through intermediaries, such as Cuba and Viet Nam, but there was one really interesting part about what was, and is, known as MAD - Mutually Assured Destruction.

MAD was both a good and bad thing. Good in that it prevented World War III on many occassions and bad in that the world lived under the specter of a nuclear holocaust. MAD was the presumption that if one nation launched nuclear weapons, the other would retaliate in kind, setting off a global nuclear war that neither would survive.

New intelligence paints a slightly different picture. It seems that the majority of the Soviet missiles were aimed at US allies in Europe, while nearly all of the US missiles were aimed at the heart of the USSR: Moscow, Leningrad, Stalingrad, etc. So while the US would have remained fairly untouched, the Soviet Union would have sustained massive damage.

So, in retrospect, it seems Mutually Assured Destruction was not quite mutual, nor was it assured.

Staring Down a Bullet

Twice in the last week or so, the specter of expensive car repairs has once again raised its ugly head, only to be easily vanquished.

First, the front-end started making grinding noises again. The knee-jerk reaction was to assume that the newly replaced hub bearing was going out. Further inspection showed that the lugnuts had loosened, allowing the rotor to wobble slightly and drag against the brake pads. Tightening the lugnuts stopped the grinding noise.

Then on Friday, the transmission decides it doesn't want to shift properly, often going into neutral instead of the correct gear. I envision thousands of dollars in repair bill, money that I really don't have and surely don't want to spend. I decided to take a huge gamble and change the fluid and filter, thinking that it probably won't work but holding out hope that it does.

And guess what? It works. The transmission is now shifting correctly.

So two near misses in a little over a week. With the way my luck is going, maybe I should be sure and buy a lottery ticket.

What is Normal?

Who decides where we draw that fine line between sanity and insanity? Between reality and fantasy? If reality is based upon perception, then everyone perceives his or her own little reality.Can we say that our reality is any more real than someone else’s? Who decides what reality is? If we say that reality is what the majority of people accept as real, then in a sense there is no true reality but only a series of accepted norms. What if the majority is wrong about our perceptions and our vision of reality is completely false? Then those who we judge insane are really those who are sane and we are living in a fantasy.

No one can be completely sane. One hundred percent sanity would force a person to deal with this world in all its uncut, raw form without any of our built-in escape mechanisms. Sensory overload and mass confusion would soon result, forcing the person over the brink into complete insanity. Therefore, Sanity-Insanity cannot be measured upon a linear continuum but rather is truly circular in nature, with the difference between complete sanity and insanity separated by only the slimmest of margins, yet there is the whole area of the rest of the circle representing the varying degrees of sanity-insanity. Taken to its logical (?) conclusion then, all of us are insane in varying degrees. Each person has different facets of their personality that deals with life’s daily ups and downs. We compartmentalize our feelings and emotions into each of these variations on our personality, yet we retain enough sanity to realize that these personalities cannot be separated from the whole. Those suffering from multiple personality disorder cannot retain enough sanity to hold these facets together and the seam is torn and the versions of the personality become personalities unto themselves.

Somewhere along this circular continuum that defines sanity-insanity is a line that society has proscribed as the “acceptable” line of sanity. If the True line of sanity lies at the point described earlier where one hundred percent sanity meets one hundred percent insanity, then society’s acceptable line is one hundred eighty degrees opposite of this true line. That is, we draw a line somewhere where our senses tell us someone has gone too far towards insanity on this circular continuum. If society’s vision of sanity-insanity is the exact opposite of what is real, then everyone is society is actually delusional…

After the Storm

Well, the downpour has stopped and life has returned to some semblance of normal, at least "normal" for me.

Someone stole money out of my bank account, but there's not a thing I can do about it. The price of auto parts today amounts to nothing more than highway robbery and I have indeed been robbed. But the good news is that my truck is up and running again and I was fortunate enough to be able to do all of the work myself, or the theft would have been even greater.

I've got only eight days of school left, with the last two days being early release days. As much as the students look forward to the summer, the teachers are even more anxious. By the end of May, I'm as close to the brink of insanity as I'd ever want to get and desperately need those two months off to regain my senses.

When it rains...

... it pours.

First, it was the brakes going out. Fixed that Friday evening, only to have a wheel bearing fail this morning. This is a part that no auto parts store within a hundred-mile radius carries. Several have offered to order the part, but it will be at least two days before it arrives. Great, just great.

So I'm stuck without a vehicle. In some cities, that's not a problem, but in Texas, it's almost impossible to go about your daily life without one.

Sitting by the dock of the bay...

... watching the sun fade away, wasting time.

Good beer, good magaritas, good food, good company, and a good (sort of) view.

Slight disappointment that there were no oysters on the half shell, but they did have really good calamari and a lobster bisque...

... and then I woke up.

Sometimes our lives imitate our dreams and vice-versa.

Lawnmowers in the Attic

It was a lazy Sunday, one perfect for taking a nice, long nap. Of course, Sunday afternoons are also perfect for mowing the lawn, so it didn't surprise me to hear the sound of a lawnmower engine running, disturbing me from my sleep.

Until I realized that the sound was coming from my attic...

Whiskey?

Tango?

Foxtrot?

My first thought was, "How in the hell did someone manage to get a lawnmower into my attic without me knowing?"

My second thought was, "There's no grass in the attic, what the hell are they mowing?"

I grudgingly arose to try and decipher the origins of this rather odd noise. I pull the access ladder down and the noise becomes louder. The lawnmower, or whatever, is definitely runnning in the attic.

The prime suspect is the central A/C unit, which is not a good proposition in Texas in May. Then my eyes wandered to the A/C intake. "Hmmmm, when was the last time I changed the filter?"

A closer inspection confirmed that it had been "a very long while" because it was incredibly dirty. I surmised that the lawnmower sound was caused by the A/C intake vibrating as it tried to suck air through this dirty filter.

Five minutes later, after turning off the A/C and replacing the filter, the lawnmower was gone. Till the next time I don't replace the A/C filter...

Hate Me

Great song by a band from Houston. Exceptional lyrics, far beyond what I would expect from today's music scene.

And it sums it all up... trying to push someone away because that is what's best for them. How many of us believe that we are cursed, that our touch is the anti-Midas touch? How everything we come into contact with is doomed to fail? So we push people away so they won't get hurt... or maybe we push people away so that we won't get hurt. We desperately avoid taking another chance because it's simply not worth the pain in the end.

Humans wage war against others because we wage war within ourselves. There's the part of us that we love pitted against the part of us that we hate. And we transfer all that we hate to someone else so that we don't have to look too hard at ourselves. We hate others because we hate ourselves, and, in essence, we make the whole world our scapegoats for our own inadequacies.

Flat-Iron Steak

OMFG!!! I have found steak heaven. Yesterday, I walk into the local Kroger because they had ribeye steaks on sale. I notice that they have something called a "flat-iron steak" also on sale. The SIL asks me what exactly was a flat-iron steak, and I had to confess that I, the veritable human encyclopedia, had no clue. But I decide to take a chance and buy a few anyway.

Today I throw them on the grill along with a couple of ribeyes. Grilled over mesquite to a perfect medium rare and... OMG... the best steak I've EVER had.

Incredibly tender with amazing flavor. Better than any ribeye, filet, or sirloin.

Now I've just got to get back to Kroger and purchase the rest of their stock.

Remember the Name

Anyone that knows me, knows I can't stand rap music. My theory is that they simply took the "C" off the front when they named it. Anyway, I recently heard a rap song with a chorus that summed up the life of a firefighter better than I've ever heard. So I decided to put it on a photo and create a t-shirt. The t-shirts can be found at Cafe Press.

When you have nothing to say...

I know, imagine me without anything to say. Hear that ringing, it's Baelzebub calling and his teeth are chattering.

Like a train wreck

Amazing, even though there are those that will complain about content, there are others that will visit to see the carnage.

The FD website normally averages 150 or so page views a day. This Wednesday, it had nearly 1500 page hits, with another 850 or so on Thursday, followed by over 400 on both Friday and Saturday.

As someone so graciously pointed out, if there's only one complaint and that many visitors, I guess I'm doing more right than wrong.

Some people all of the time...

.. and all people some of the time.

P.T. Barnum is quoted as saying that about fooling people. I believe that it applies to pleasing people as well. I've gotten a lot of grief from several different parties about photos I've posted on the FDs website from several incidents in the past several weeks.

I don't know if people realize that I agonize over each and every photo that is posted, trying to balance showing the jobs the guys do with respect for the feelings of those involved. Somehow, no matter what I do, I can't seem to please anyone.

I'm almost to the point that I feel the easiest solution would be to just pull the website entirely...

Information Overload

Modern communication devices have made our lives both easier... and more annoying.

In emergency services, the advent of the cellphone has allowed incidents to be reported faster, allowing necessary care to arrive critical minutes earlier. But it has also meant an increase in what we in the emergency services field have termed "BS calls." Those are calls that really aren't an emergency, but were reported by someone with a cellphone who couldn't be bothered to take several minutes of their precious time to investigate before calling in something.

Like being called to a report of a fire, often dispatched as "seeing flames" or "a glow in the sky", only to discover it's some farmer burning his field or a brush pile. A few minutes investigation would save an emergency response by a quarter-of-a-million-dollar engine and volunteers that have been roused from their beds for nothing. We do have jobs we have to go to in the morning, remember?

The sister-in-law advocates "cube technology", as in a small cube of C4 explosive placed in every cellphone headset. When someone called in a "BS call", dispatch could dial back and eliminate this annoying problem.

But it's not just that. Sometimes you simply can't get away from the annoying ring of a phone. I mean, $h!t, it's got to where if I don't answer my cellphone, people will try calling the house phone, then text message me. This is especially annoying when you're trying to take a nap because you didn't get enough sleep the night before because you were up making "BS calls".

April Fools... or not

Well, yesterday I was going to write this nice long post, somehow related to April Fool's Day, but before I knew it, the day had passed. It was an absolute whirlwind, with two MVAs, fun at the station while we cooked burgers, and a trip to buy supplies for the FD as well as pick up my son.

Fatality MVAs are never fun, but sometimes you just get the sense that the man upstairs or karma or whatever is indeed paying attention and occassionally gently nudges things to try and bring this crazy world back into balance.

I do know that not eating breakfast or lunch and then responding to a MVA with extrication in the hot Texas sun is a guaranteed way to produce sub-optimal results.

Pancakes with Peanut Butter and Honey...

... and other guilty pleasures, like fresh ground single-estate coffee. Or cuddling up with someone on a Saturday morning and listening to the rain on the roof, knowing that for once in a long time, you have absolutely NOTHING planned.

Speaking of peanut butter, following the latest scare, the supply of peanut butter at the local grocery store is looking very slim. I actually happened to have one of the jars with the code that was part of the recall, so I had to go get a new jar. I tried something new: Scudder's All-Natural, Old-Fashioned Peanut Butter. It reminded me of the peanut butter that the government used to give to needy families, having to stir it every time you used it because the peanut oil would rise to the top.

Remembering that peanut butter brought back memories.

My mom would volunteer for that program, helping with the distribution of those government handouts, and would occasionally bring home some of the leftovers. The cheese that everyone would rave about but I hated (American cheese, bleagh... cheese should not be sweet, give me extra sharp cheddar any day), the peanut butter, rice, beans, the canned beef and pork that, mixed with barbecue sauce in a skillet, made a decent quick and easy barbecue sandwich, and, of course, the real butter.

That was my first introduction to real butter. Up till then, we always had margarine and just called it butter. It's almost like finding out that what you've been calling mayonnaise is really Miracle Whip.

Which is one reason that you won't find margarine OR Miracle Whip in my refrigerator...

The Week and Weekend from Hell

This week, and particularly this weekend, has been... well, just wow!!!

Not to say I didn't have fun and enjoy everything that went on, but anytime you HAVE to sleep for fourteen hours solid just to recover and then take a nap in the afternoon because you are still tired... well, I think that says it all.

Something tells me the name "the Hell Hole" has more to it than meets the eye.

Sadistic Homosexual Ex-Convicts

This weekend, I had the pleasure of attending Extrication Fest 2007 at Texas Motor Speedway. I learned quite a bit about extrication, especially stabilization methods, that I didn't already know. On top of that, I got to spend three nights in Denton, where I had lived for eight years, re-visiting old haunts and dining spots that I hadn't seen in three years.

But about the title...

I'm sure that's what all of you have been waiting for anyway.

I stayed at the LaQuinta in Denton and it was a nice motel. Except for the bathroom. Particularly the shower.

First off, the control to turn the water on and off and adjust the temperature is decidely phallic in appearance. On top of this, for an average height male, this decidely phallic-appearing device is mounted about six inches below waist level. Yes, at THAT height.

Then, to top it off, the shower floor has a very marked slant, enough to cause one to lose their balance should they bend over after having dropped the soap.

What then ensues comes from someone's prison rape nightmare.

Thank God I am slightly SHORTER than the average male...

Never believe someone when they say...

Yesterday, my brother the fire chief has me take the engine and the tanker to the radio shop, telling me it shouldn't take more than a couple of hours.

He couldn't have been more wrong...

We arrive a little after 8:30 and finally leave a little after 18:00. Needless to say, that is slightly longer than two hours. To make matters worse, the radio that was installed in the engine did not work as advertised.

But I did get to talk to someone I'd never really had the chance to talk with, so it wasn't a completely wasted day.

Someone please stop the madness

At first it was e-mail. The insanity-inducing "Forward to seven of your closest friends..." e-mails that cluttered my inbox and illicited an immediate click of the delete button.

Or the jokes that would be forwarded to me from one person, when a quick look at recipients from a prior forward would show THAT I'D ALREADY GOTTEN IT!!!!

Now it is pic and text messages on my cellphone. Suddenly the whole frackin' world seems to think that I have nothing better to do than to read asinine text and or pic messages.

Please stop, NOW!!! I'm getting two and three pic messages a frackin' day, all at $0.50 a pop. In the space of a week I'm being charged enough for these unwanted messages that I could go buy a six-pack of beer, which would do a heck of a lot more to brighten my mood than the messages ever could.

This public service message has been brought to you buy PRICK.... People Rejecting In-box Cluttering Krap.

And God said, "Let there be light..." (Deja Vu, anyone?)

... and there was light. Light beer that is.

In an effort to try and play along with the local coven of Weight Witches, I've decided to show support by switching to light beer.

This is not as easy as it sounds. Most light beer, to paraphrase Terry Gilliam, tastes like nearly-frozen gnat's urine. Luckily, Sam Adam's Light is readily available at the local grocery store.

Is it a great beer?

No, it will never be mistaken for a regular Sam Adam's or a Leinenkugel's. It doesn't compare to the wonderful stuff that comes out of the Ram Brewery or from the little town in south Texas.

But at least it isn't nearly-frozen gnat's urine...

My fifteen minutes...

Last night the FD is toned to an unknown-type fire. I arrive on location to find it is actually a structure fire that is in the decay stages. The engine arrives and the guys go about doing what firefighters do best (next to police officer's wives, hee hee), put the wet stuff on the red stuff.

Fifteen minutes later one of the guys comes up to me, we have a problem... there's a body in the trailer. Turns out it is a relative of someone who is relatively famous.

So I've spent a good bit of today fielding questions from various media sources and even had to do a video interview. Isn't it great to be the PIO? I actually jokingly asked last night if I could resign. After today I wish I hadn't been joking...

Things I have learned this week

1. The average teenager has less manners than the average five-year old.

2. An ant is smarter than most teenagers.

3. The average metal office desk is a lot tougher than the average big toe, even when wearing tactical duty boots.

4. Fires love to occur during your lunch break.

5. The average person doesn't think that just because it is dry and windy that there is any reason that they shouldn't burn leaves, etc.

6. The average firefighter thinks the average person is an idiot because of this.

7. If what you say can be interpreted two different ways, and one is bad, that is the way it will be interpreted.

8. No matter what, someone will mis-interpret what you say.

9. The ability to sue someone is FAR too easy in this country.

10. Just threatening to sue someone for an asinine reason should be considered a death-penalty offense.

Oh wait, I already knew all of those. I guess this week just offered me a glaring reminder of the painfully obvious.

Goodbye Miss Manners

Growing up, I was taught, nearly had it beaten in to me, that as a child you were to stay quiet while an adult was speaking. God forbid that I would interrupt one of my parents or another adult while they were talking. I would have been picking myself up off the floor.

Somehow between my childhood days and today, that lesson has clearly been forgotten. I lose count of how many times a day that I, as a teacher, have to stop my lecture and tell the students to be quiet.

So who is to blame? Is it parents, elementary school teachers, or society as a whole? I have my theory, but no one is going to like it. It's difficult knowing that the cause of the problems that vex society lies squarely with the person staring back from the mirror.

Being sick

Today I had the notable privilege of being both physically ill and being called a sick f@#$ at the same time.

I woke up this morning running to the toilet and spent the rest of the day doing the same. I was either sitting on it or kneeling in front of it, in between taking several hot baths in a losing attempt to begin to feel better.

I checked my temperature several times, and yes, I did have a fever.

So that seals it: fever, chills, aching joints, puking, and diarhhea. I think I covered just about all the bases.

I check my e-mail and someone has posted a comment for one of the videos the FD has on YouTube. That's where getting called a sick f@#$ comes in. Seems they didn't appreciate the video of a recent vehicle extrication. No victim faces were shown and the accident wasn't even a fatality, so I have no clue where this person was coming from. Oh well, I reported the post as spam...

This on top of being threatened with a lawsuit for a photo I posted on the TVFD website last week.

I guess the 'tards are out in droves. Is it that time of month again?

The Art of Delayed Gratification

Ok, so Amazon is having a sale on Lodge cast-iron cookware and the cook in me is absolutely salivating over the possibilities while my analytical financial mind works feverishly to reign the cook in.

I had the 3-qt. chicken fryer, the 5-qt. dutch oven, and the 10-1/4" skillet in my shopping cart and was halfway through checkout when the analytical side put on the brakes.

The cook attempted to compromise. I went back to the cart and took out two items, leaving only the chicken fryer and proceeded once again to checkout.

Once again, the finance guru intervened, reminding me how I'm trying to pay down the credit cards to $0 and buying more items isn't helping. The cook pitched a fit, telling the finance guy to take a long walk off of a short pier and asking him just how he thought he was going to eat. The finance side said it didn't appear that we were exactly starving, did it?

I resented that comment, but had to agree he was right.

So I closed out the window without purchasing anything.

Till next time...

I'll Never Understand Some People's Viewing Habits

About two months ago, I decided as webmaster of my FDs website (www.tarkingtonvfd.com) to join thousands of others and post videos on YouTube. I've posted over twenty videos ranging from training exercises to live fires to a year-in-review video. Of all those videos, some of which are from some amazing fires, which one do you think would be the most viewed?

The cool shot from the 75 foot aerial overlooking the Hell Hole at Livingston? Nope...

The video of the vehicle fire training? Once again, nada...

Maybe it could be the LifeFlight helicopter taking off? Wrong again...

Nope, the most watched video, and by a very large margin, is of me responding to a call only to be disregarded before I even get near the location. A little less than three minutes worth of me driving with my lights and siren on, only to stop and turn around. In fact, I only pass one car.

And it is the most viewed video.

The only thing I can figure is that these are the same people whose only other entertainment is sitting around watching paint dry.

Texas Weather

You know, you've just got to love Texas weather. Walk out of the house this morning wondering if my decision to wear a sweatshirt was a bad one, then leave work wishing I had brought a jacket.

Sunny and warm one day, cold and rainy the next.

It's a wonder more Texans don't suffer from the flu or worse...

Make hay while the sun shines...

...because tomorrow it might rain.

Or your barn full of hay could burn to the ground.

Steaks just off the grill, about to sit down for a great meal, and... you would know it, the pager goes off. Structure fire. Great.

I can see the smoke from my house, not a good sign. Hay barn full of hay, fully involved. Looks like it might be awhile before I get back to those steaks. FD makes a great response, four apparatus and fourteen firefighters. You really can't put one of these out, so we extinguish the perimeter and let it burn. Not much else you can do.

Oh, and the steaks were wonderful, if I may say so myself...

The Realities of Not Doing Your Homework

Not me, the teen-age son.

First major bump in the road comes when I'm checking his grades and see that he has a single-digit average in Speech. How in the hell do you get a grade like that in Speech, for Pete's sake? I do some checking and he didn't turn in a major assignment for a grade. I ask him about it and he tells me the teacher won't accept it late. Tough... do it anyway and give it to her. If she doesn't accept it, at least you did it.

Talk to the teacher and she says she will accept it. Ask him later and he claims she just handed it back to him. Hmmmm....

Does he really think that I, a teacher, don't talk to the other teachers? If he did, he got a rude awakening when I had dinner with three fellow teachers at a local restaurant later on in the evening...

I did learn that when a certain teacher says she's bringin Millie with her, be prepared to duck.

"And God said, 'LET THERE BE LIGHT!!!..."

... and, by God, there was light.

Last night, the FD's engine returned from the shop, having had a light tower installed over the last two days. Now for those that might not know what a light tower is, it is a bank of six high-intensity lights that can automatically raise and extend up to eight feet over the cab of the truck. Think of it as portable stadium lighting.

And these ARE that bright. They can turn pitch-black night into day in an instant, and that's not exaggerating. They are a complete order of magnitude brighter than the old lights that were on the truck. No more wandering around in semi-darkness, trying to do our jobs.

The thing can even auto-park itself, so it is nearly completely foolproof...

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." -- Douglas Adams

Just because there's a fire...

... doesn't mean you HAVE to call the fire department.

Sometime after midnight, the FD is dispatched to an unknown-type fire. Units arrive on location to find it is nothing more than a large trash pile on fire. The area around it has been cleared and is very wet, there is no wind, and the whole surrounding area is water-logged after two weeks of near-continuous precipitation. This fire is not out of control and is not going anywhere.

We decide not to worry about putting it out. It is freezing and it would take several hours and several truck loads of water to put out what is essentially a harmless fire. I stick around for better than an hour just to make sure it burns down before heading to the house. I'm not home more than thirty minutes when we are dispatched yet again.

So why was it reported? Better yet, why was it reported a second time two hours later?

I guess the drunks coming home at three in the morning have nothing better to do...

Week One of My Journey Into Insanity

Well, changes are being felt as Buford and I adjust to a new permanent presence in the house. My son has been with me for a week now and things seem to be going fairly well. After his first week of school, he seems to have integrated well. He's made several new friends and even has a girl that wants him to ask her out. So I guess he's doing well. I've gotten him a new cellphone and a new TV.

Things are settling into a nice routine. Mornings aren't the hassle that I had feared, neither is homework... at least not yet.

So, fortunately, it seems my journey is stuck in the slow lane.

The only thing certain is change

Well, life as I know is about to completely change.

My fourteen- (soon to be fifteen-) year old son is moving in with me, for the first time. My emotions are running the gamut from excited to nervous to cautious to...

Care-free and independent will be replaced by who knows what.

But it will all be for the better, in the long run if nothing else. Things happen for a reason. Right? Right?

anew third-degree burn

However, I feel that even here there are many differences of opinion on what is absolutely correct and what is not. Terry Tate office linebackerYour booting storiesLast viewed:The Play and Highlights - BYU Football Beats UtahMark your scriptures onlineInternet Shopping with Local Pickup in UtahQuoty - del. You can learn this quite easily within a couple of hours of practicing on your ownarms. As to the astonishing number of shampoos and conditioners currently on the market, a lot of them are sheer nonsense.
" He was quite frank about how MTV makes money off impressionable young people, he even said as much during his speech to students. So even if most of the programming is garbage, the few times that important stories get covered they get seen by millions of young people, and can have a positive effect.
I have set up a forum and will work on the pages soon. This seems to affect women more than men for obvious thanks to anatomical differences between men and women.

The non-sensical rambling above was brought to you by one of the mindless morons that invade my e-mail with spam. I am positive that there is a special place in the depths of hell reserved for these people.

Seriously...

Whiskey...

Tango...

Foxtrot?

Military Maneuvers in the Dark

Today I ventured south of the DMZ on a semi-covert mission to evacuate the younger version of myself back to his homeland. H-hour was a depressingly early 04:45. Well, depressingly early for me anyway.

After battling the mindless drones that pass for drivers in the foreign land known as Houston, I finally managed to make it to the LZ. The lines were long, but that was to be expected. I watched him go through the security checks and then that was it...

Three months from now I engage in the same mission to bring him back to the country.

Can I go home now?

Last night was HELL!!!

The madness started at 22:50 and carried over till 5:00 this morning. Three calls, back-to-back.

Finally to bed at 5:00, but had to be up at the station at Noon to train the rookies.

As Yoda would say, "Hmmmm... tired must you be, young Padawan."

The Day After...

Every child of the 80s remembers the TV mini-series "The Day After," which chroniciled life after a nuclear exchange between the the US and the USSR. Scary stuff indeed for those of us who went through puberty in the age of MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction).

And then there is the day after Xmas...

It's even worse.

God bless those poor, innocent.... and even retarded, souls that venture forth to the malls and to WM on this day.

Does anyone see a future Darwin Award recipient in the crowd?

Fall down, go boom!!!

Well, it has returned. The mysterious explosions reported by dozens, but with a cause no one can find. Those who've heard, and felt, the explosions describe it as rattling their windows, if not the whole house.

So the FD is dispatched and we run around like chickens with no heads. The worst is that these always occur very late at night, rousing me from my warm bed. I swear, if I ever find the culprit, the outcome will not be for the squeamish.

So what is the cause? No one is really sure. Sonic boom, maybe? Sparkler bomb? Who knows....

An ode to bier...

"He was a wise man who invented beer."
-Plato

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

The spelling in the title is intentional. I had the good fortune of purchasing a case of Leinenkugel's at the local Sam's. Now Leinie's are not generally available so far south, here in the "Land of Shiner," so to be able to find it and at a decent price was an incredible stroke of good fortune.

I've heard a lot of good things about Leinie's and the opinions were very well founded. This particular case was a sampler of four different kinds, the Sunset Wheat, Creamy Dark, Red, and Honey Weiss. All were very good.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-Benjamin Franklin

I'll drink to that...

A day well spent...

It doesn't get much better than strolling through the mall, arm in arm with the one you love, or sitting down with them and eating truly wonderful sushi. Now I could have done without the crowds and the traffic, but all considered, it was more than a fair trade.

Sometimes we rush through life so quickly, we forget what it is truly important. It's times like those that we need to just stop and smell the coffee... and eat pumpkin cheesecake.

Sometimes a word is all it takes...

Today was not a good day. Semester exams always seem to bring out the worst in students and this time around was no different. Apathy run rampant is the modus operandi for these kids. They just don't care. Parents always seem to bail them out of the predicaments they get themselves into and teachers always seem to cave and give in... till now.

I hate playing the bad guy, but who else will prepare them for the "real" world?

Anyway, it's enough to drive one to drink. It's frustrating and depressing. Thankfully, someone let me know that I'm doing a great job and that they think the world of me.

And just like that, my day brightened...

Blognosing

Well, my good friend Kerry Hoke mentioned on his MySpace page the new phenomenon known as blognosing. Never heard of it, you say. Well neither had I till Kerry Hoke told me about it. Seems it is the act of sucking up to someone in hopes of being mentioned on their blog.

At least that's what Kerry Hoke said it meant...

Truer words have not been spoken

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. -- Albert Einstein

Let me get out the hip waders and the shovel...

... because the $h!t is really starting to get deep in here.

How can it be that someone can complain when an organization holds a banquet to honor its volunteers for sacrificing themselves so selflessly throughout the year? Those volunteers received prizes donated by various local and non-local organizations, and yet there are complaints by those who assume (remember the old saying about ASS and U and ME?) that the organization spent money on those prizes. This is the one of the few times that they are honored by their peers for the job they do; and yet some people will find fault in that.

How is it that someone can criticize an organization and its leadership, failing to see the amazing strides that organization has made and continues to make? Why is it that they fail to see the positive and yet accentuate the negative?

Why is it that some people cannot seem to separate a person's private life from their public? Once again they assume that somehow they are related and that one will affect the other.

Why do some people seemed destined to live in the past, refusing to accept the present, much less the future? Those people dredge up old accusations. that had no merit in the past, and pass those off as gospel truth, poisoning fresh minds with their bile.

How easy is it to hide behind a veil of anonymity, criticizing and dividing, offering nothing constructive?

For some, all too easy...

Why dogs are better than...

The ex-wife once complained that I would pet the dog before I would hug and kiss her when I came home in the evening. I replied that it was because the dog would meet me at the door with its tail wagging, happy to see me. The ex-wife waited on the couch for me to come to her.

Tonight I noticed how Buford reacted when I would give him the slightest attention. Just looking his way set his tail to wagging with anticipation that he might get a short tummy rub. Dogs live simply to be with we humans, no matter how un-deserving we might be.

Maybe we humans could learn something from dogs...

Chilly outside, Chili in

There's nothing like cold weather to pave the way for making one of the greatest culinary masterpieces known to man: Texas chili. Nothing else made is truly chili, especially if it hails from anywhere north of the Red River, particulary the city in Ohio named for a legendary Roman.

My chili is nicknamed Dalton's Intestinal Destroyer Chili. That name is given as a badge of honor and respect. Any chili that doesn't clear out your bowels is not truly chili.

Chili should not be watery. It should have plenty of beef, chunks of tomato, bell peppers, and onions. It should have finely chopped jalapeno peppers. Beans are optional, as is rice (yes, Louisiana is close by).

So tonight's dinner was scrumptious; tomorrow will be painful...

Purchasing Sin in Bulk

Saturday is my re-stock the fridge day, so of to Wally-World I go. Drifting by the refrigerated dessert section and what do I see? You guessed it -- Pumpkin Pecan Praline Pie. On sale.

So I bought five...

Hey, it was all that they had.

It's Deja Vu all over again...

Saturday morning, 8:30AM... heavy fog... MVA...

Haven't we seen this before... next verse, same as the first?

This Saturday started exactly the same as last, with the exception of this call wasn't in our territory and it wasn't on fire, AND we weren't out on the call till after Noon.

Hopefully, that's all we have day...

Sodom and Gomorrah in my kitchen

Pumpkin Praline Cream Cheese Pie.

Decadence defined.

That is all...

Into the Fire

by Bruce Springsteen

The sky was falling and streaked with blood
I heard you calling me, then you disappeared into the dust
Up the stairs, into the fire
Up the stairs, into the fire
I need your kiss, but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs, into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

You gave your love to see, in fields of red and autumn brown
You gave your love to me and lay your young body down
Up the stairs, into the fire
Up the stairs, into the fire
I need you near, but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs, into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

It was dark, too dark to see, you held me in the light you gave
You lay your hand on me
Then walked into the darkness of your smoky grave
Up the stairs, into the fire
Up the stairs, into the fire
I need your kiss, but love and duty called you someplace higher
Somewhere up the stairs, into the fire

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your strength give us strength
May your faith give us faith
May your hope give us hope
May your love give us love

May your love bring us love

The Fall of the Roman Empire

I posted the exact same post below to the forum section of an online community of which I have been a member for over five years. I don't know what type of response I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting to be attacked. I was called naive, stupid, and a racist. The FD was accused of using "strong-arm tactics" to "guilt" people into donating.

Words fail me.

Then I realized that the problem lies in the way I perceive the world with the way these people perceive the world. I don't know if it is a generational, regional, idealogical, or socio-economic issue.

Or maybe it's just me. A good friend is constantly telling me that I'm the world's last true Boy Scout. I prefer to think of myself as the heir to Cincinnatus, willing to abandon my fields, throw on my cloak, and go off to fight just because Rome needs me. I'm not trying to be a hero, just doing my civic duty.

Many historians point to a decline in the average Roman's views on civic duty as one of the reasons for the fall of the Empire.

What does that say about where we're headed...

A Fair Trade Proposal for Mexico

Since you seem so intent on shipping most of your citizenry to the US, I think it's only fair that you take a portion of our citizenry into Mexico. I propose two groups, the criminal drug addicts (which only makes sense, since Mexico is their prime supplier) and the typical yuppy scum that blights our landscape with their smug smile, sipping cappacinos, and driving their BMWs, Acuras, or SUVs.

Why do you ask am I so indisposed towards yuppies? Well, I just spent the last two days doing a fundraiser for the VFD of which I am an officer and member. This fundraiser is a simple fill-the-bucket at the only four-way stop in the area. Nothing major, people drive by, roll down their window, and drop whatever they feel appropriate into the bucket. We've gotten everything from a handful of pennies to a hundred-dollar bill to a diamond ring.

Why do this type of fundraiser and not others, you may ask? First, it is easy to organize and requires little manpower. Second, the amount of money it raises per hour is quite good. And third, 75% of all MVAs in our district involve out-of-towners. Our department is not supported by a city or any type of taxing authority. Instead, we rely on a per-run contract with the county and on donations. So fundraisers like this are very important.

Anyway, as I worked this fundraiser, I noticed something that began to grate on me the longer the fundraiser lasted. I noticed that your average working-man or woman, no matter their ethnicity, were donating at a much higher percentage than those who, by appearances, seemed to be much better off financially.

In fact, it was so bad that it was surprising when someone driving a BMW, Acura, Cadillac, any upscale SUV, etc. would donate. Most would stare straight ahead, pretend not to notice that we were even there (hard to ignore the big red trucks with flashing lights), and drive on.

Someday, somewhere, they are going to need the services of a VFD and I hope they remember all the times they didn't donate. Moreover, I hope that the VFD is actually able to respond quickly and not be held back because of lack of funds because pricks like themselves wouldn't donate.

RETARD ALERT!!! RETARD ALERT!!!

So I'm at the gas station last night, filling up the Dodge (Damned Old Dad's Gas Eater, for sure!!), when I smell the unmistakeable odor of cigarette smoke. I look around and notice the guy on the other side of the pump smoking. The following exchange occured.

"Ummm... would you please step way over there if you're going to smoke."

"No, I'm fine"

"It's not you that I'm worried about. If you want to blow yourself up, be my guest, just don't take me with you. Now please step away from the pump."

"No, really... I'm fine..."

You know, you just can't fix stupid.....

CSI: Houston

You've gotta love Texas!!! Where else would you have mosquitos that could be mistaken for wasps, plus be mowing the lawn, in the middle of November?

But I really do love this state. Watching CSI last night on the Tivo made me so glad I live here and not some pseudo-communist state. You see, on CSI (which is set in Las Vegas... I thought Nevada was fairly conservative, but I guess it's just too close to the People's Republic of Kalifornia) they were having a coroner's inquest for one of the CSIs who ran over a young, black man who was part of a gang "fanny-stomping" some poor guy to death.

Whiskey?

Tango?

Foxtrot?

I can just see how this would have played out in Texas.

Judge: "Lemme git this straight. CSI Tanner, you observed the victim as part of a mob that was beating an innocent civilian to death, who then picked up a large rock to finish the job, but instead ran at your vehicle weilding the rock when you tried to stop him."

CSI Tanner: "Yes, sir."

Judge: "And you only hit him once, correct?"

CSI Tanner: "Yes, sir."

Judge: "You didn't back over him, run him over two or three times, didya?"

CSI Tanner: "No, sir."

Judge: "Then why the hell are we here?!?! Case dismissed!!!"

Sometime during this inquest, some young liberal smart-@$$ young man who is part of the jury steps up and says, "I just want to know when it became OK to run over young, black men in the street?"

Once again, I can see what would've happened in Texas.

Judge: "Bailiff, could you kindly escort this young punk out of my courtroom and into the back alley and beat the livin' $h!t out of him so he'll know what police brutality really is the next time he sees it!!"

Gotta love Texas justice....

The Joy of Teaching, Reloaded

The last week has been that wonderful time of year that every teacher enjoys: the last week of a grading period. At my school, this would be the end of a six-weeks grading period. It absolutely mystifies me that students that could care less for five weeks about their grades are all-of-a-sudden very, very interested.

More amazing is that it is up to me to pass them. In their minds, it's not their responsibility whether they pass or fail, it's mine. So it comes as a major shock to them when they realize the truth.

Every year I start by telling my students to not expect me to bail them out when they've fracked off for five weeks, that there is no extra credit, and that I will not let them turn in all that work that they never did just so they can pass. I sometimes feel like I'm the only teacher that stands by their policy of refusing to accept late work.

It was so bad that I actually had a student tell me, "No wonder everyone hates you!!"

Wow, that's the problem right there. They're under the mistaken belief that I got into this profession to make friends....