For Those Unclear on the Concept(s)...

... here's a quick clue by four.

Alright, there are some things in life that really, really shouldn't require any explanation, yet there are those mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging morons that don't quite seem to have the requisite mental capacity to deduce the most rudimentary of concepts. For those semi-sentient life forms, I'll try my best to explain. To wit:

EXPRESS LANE - The first word is defined as "fast or direct," meaning that this should be a rather quick and painless way of paying for those four or five items in your cart and exiting the store in a fairly timely manner. Unfortunately, some people either can't read English, failed basic mathematics, or are just plain stupid. "10 (or 20) Items or Less" does not mean 16 (or 26 items). 16 or 26 is NOT less than 10 (or 20), it is more. The use of coupons also runs contrary to the basic definition, as does writing a check! Pay cash or use a debit card, for the love of all things sacred! AND DO NOT COMPLAIN IF SOMETHING IS $0.10 MORE THAN THE ADVERISED PRICE, causing the clerk to have to call for a price check! This will cause those in the queue behind to begin to plot your demise in the most painful way possible.

SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT - While this seems simple, at face value, there are those that can't seem to understand, causing the State of Texas to replace these signs with "LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY," an incredibly uncomplicated directive that only the braindead would fail to heed. Unfortunately, it seems that Texas has a rather statistically improbable higher percentage of braindead than normal, seeing as how in a fairly short stretch of interstate a fairly large number of drivers will continue driving in the left lane, oblivious to the ever increasing number of vehicles behind them, whose drivers are now plotting their demise in the most painful way possible.

ATM MACHINES - If you find yourself in line at the ATM, particularly the drive-through type and especially if you are two or three cars back, now would be a good time to locate your ATM card, rather than wait till you're actually at the machine to begin searching through your purse, console, glovebox, floorboard, etc.

FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMPS - When one is entering the flow of traffic, the basic laws of physics dictates that you should be travelling at a speed relative to the flow of traffic prior to entering said flow. You should NOT enter the flow of traffic at a speed ten to twenty miles below the speed at which traffic is travelling. This basic concept means you ACCELERATE on a freeway on-ramp, not hit your brakes! Going slow and hitting your brakes is in fact counter-productive and will cause you to experience a rather abrupt introduction to the laws of physics, especially the one about momentum.

CELLULAR PHONES - Some people just need to HANG UP AND DRIVE!! See the above references to SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT and FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMPS.

The preceeding has been a Public Service Announcement from your's truly...