Posting drunk, and I know it...

Too much wine (wow, did we really consume three bottles) will loosen the tongue and the keyboard.

So where to start.

I'm apparently in trouble with the one passed out on the bed behind me, snoring loudly BTW, because I told her that her @$$ was bigger than my computer screen.

Not that I expect her to remember it in the morning, but I know that her @$$ is bigger than this 17" screen. H#ll, the 9-year old step-daughter's @$$ is wider than 17 inches, much less anyone that has been through puberty or child-bearing, but try to tell that to a DRUNK wife.

Oh well, I've been in worse trouble.

Product Ponderings

Every once in a while, I'll come across a consumer product that makes me think

Whiskey

Tango

Foxtrot?

I had such an experience a few months back at the local Sam's Club. Now on the surface, this product seems innocuous enough, but on further reflection, I'm puzzled about its intended use.

The product I speak of is Ultra-Strong Charmin.

Now at first, this product's intended purpose would be quite clear, but when you really, really think about it, you start to wonder. See, I understand the purpose of Ultra-Soft Charmin (ultra-spicy burritos, anyone?), just not Ultra-Strong Charmin.

Seriously, do some people have poop so toxic that the regular Charmin can't handle it?

Maybe they use it to sand furniture?

Or maybe when a buddy's truck gets stuck in the mud, they'll tell 'em, "Nah, don't worry 'bout a chain, gotta roll of Ultra-Strong Charmin over here!"

This Means War!!

Those sadistic b@$terds with Al-Qaeda may have created the most nefarious weapon to ever threaten the average American male.

Building on such terror tools as flying hijacked planes into buildings and the infamous shoe bomb, they've gone a step further and created a weapon that will have every man in America quivering in fear: the exploding boobie.

As reported by British intelligence (which may or may not be an oxymoron, I'm not sure), plastic surgeons with Arabic sympathies from all over the globe are flying home, ostensibly to implant explosives in the chests of female volunteers.

Strip clubs, Spring Break, and Mardi Gras will never be the same. Now when a pretty girl starts to flash her t!t$, men will dive for cover instead of gawk and stare.

Where's JFK when you need him? As a man who had a fine-tuned appreciation for a nice set of h00ters, he'd be launching nukes at this latest threat. Heck, even Clinton would've "risen" to the occassion...