Sunday, December 23, 2007

Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz...

... so I can be a selfish snob, like all of my friends.

This weekend, the FD did a "Fill-the-Bucket" fundraiser at the local four-way intersection. Now while a good many people don't donate, a good many do, and for that I am very grateful.

However, we have noticed a disturbing trend when it comes to the drivers of luxury vehicles. If someone drives a Cadillac, Lexus, Infiniti, BMW, Mercedes, Acura, etc, they WILL NOT donate. While the percentage of donaters in non-luxury cars is probably around 35%, the percentage of donaters driving luxury vehicles couldn't be greater than 5%.

Why is this? Obviously they have money as evidenced by the car they drive, so why do they donate at a far lower rate than those who drive non-luxury cars. I have two theories:

First, it's possible that the driver's of luxury vehicles are a little more technologically astute, solely using debit cards and foregoing the use of petty cash.

Or it could be that they're just selfish, self-absorbed @$$h0!&$ that would rather spend money on luxury cars than give to charity.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Gittin' Hitched

There's nothing that will illustrate the difference in how men and women view marriage more clearly than, well... a wedding. Or more precisely, that moment in time during the wedding reception when the bride and groom "pick" which of their friends or relatives will be unlucky enough to walk down the aisle next.

Yes, I'm talking about the traditional tossing of the bouquet and the garter.

Women rush to gather for the chance to catch the bouquet and will climb over, around, and through each other to get to it. You will never, ever see a bouquet hit the ground.

Men, on the other hand, have to be called three or four times to gather, with many single men suddenly pretending to already be married to avoid this. Men will make no effort to catch the garter, and if it does hit the ground, which it often will, will stand staring at it mumbling, "Dude, it's closer to you, YOU pick it up!"

Maybe there should be lights, a pole, and bump-and-grind music. The guys would be killing each other to get to the garter then, if only to stuff it with dollar bills.

Oh wait, I forgot, that happens the night before the wedding.