I should write letters to the Statistics Departments at all of the Ivy League schools and invite them to send their grad students here to study, of all things, me. I'm a statistical anomoly. You would think that with everything that I do, occassionally I would do something right. But no, no matter what it is, I somehow manage to mess it up, every time. I'm talking a 100% efficacy, batting-a-thousand, all the fracking time sort of thing. I am a literal genius at failure. Not once have I done somethng right.
At least if you listen to one certain person....
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