The Joy of Teaching

Teaching comes with a lot of nice little perks, like having summers off. Another perk is being able to see and/or participate in the latest fads that are sweeping the school. This week, the latest fad was a nasty little stomach virus. Several of my students got caught up in it, as did several members of my family. Last night, I had the honor of participating.

Last night was so much fun. First came the explosive diarrhea. Countless trips back and forth to the toilet. Right now, Charmin Super-Quilted Ultra whatever still feels like 40-grit sandpaper.

Then, as if I wasn't already having enough fun, around 2:30AM, my stomach decided right then would be a good time to expel all of its contents. I would rather go through a root canal sans anesthesia than vomit, so this was a particular treat.

But that didn't stop the diarrhea... nope, that would have cut into my enjoyment. All night I lay in bed, catching slight catnaps, awaiting the next round of turbulence in my gastro-intestinal tract. The only comfortable position was on my back, so this morning all my limbs are stiff and sore.

I just remembered why I hate following the latest fads...

Cursed blinking red light

So I awaken thirty minutes early this morning and Buford is letting me know in no uncertain terms that he needs to go out NOW!! So I get up and decide to start my day a little early.

I shave and shower and start cooking sausage and eggs for breakfast. It's been nice and chilly outside for the past several days, so a nice fresh cup of coffee sounded wonderful. While I love coffee, I really don't like to drink it when it's hot outside, but when the temps drop...

Anyway, so I fill up the reservoir and pop a fresh pod in. See, I've got one of those single cup coffeemakers that my dear SIL gave to me as a gift. Wonderful device for someone who only ever drinks a cup at a time. So I set it up and press the power button and... the little red light is blinking instead of being solid. Pressing the other buttons doesn't start the process of giving me hot caffeinated goodnes either, curses!!! I check the whole contraption over to see if something wasn't securely latched, but everything looks good. Of course, I've no clue where the owner's manual is, so I couldn't tell you what the blinking red light really means.

So no coffee for me. If someone hears of a teacher going beserk at a local school later on today... well... you can't say you weren't warned.

A Fire I Can't Put Out

Yesterday the pager goes off dispatching the neighboring department to a structure fire at the very fringes of their territory, which is on the other side of their territory from my department. They request aid from the next closest department and go on location advising that they have a double-wide manufactured home heavily-involved. They don't request any additional help, so I figure they've got it under control.

An hour later and still no request for help, I decide it is probably safe to start cooking dinner. Probably is the key word here. No sooner is dinner ready than they request our assistance. Karma and fate and whatever else can just kiss my...

Anyway, we roll our engine and four firefighters to assist, thinking that after an hour, the fire is in the basic "mop-up" stage. We couldn't have been more wrong. We arrive to find all four wall still standing with heavy smoke and fire coming from the roof. This is nearly two hours after the fire was initially dispatched. Oh... and did I mention this was a manufactured home.

The fire had gotten between the ceiling and the roof, which is a space of no more than six inches on this particular home, and had ignited the insulation. I've been a firefighter for over twenty years and I've NEVER seen a fire this stubborn. Finally, after fighting the fire for nearly five hours, we finally managed to get it out.

A manufactured home on fire for nearly five hours and all four walls were still standing. Figure that one out...

Hey!!! Where'd the road go?

Two posts in one day... I know, Beelzebub's teeth must be chattering.

Anyway, last night the fire department was dispatched to a report of a brush fire down in the river bottoms. The chief responds in his truck and I send a captain and a firefighter in the booster, then respond in the engine with three other firefighters. Routine little fire, no problem....

Until we get about halfway there. Dispatch informs us that there was some mis-communication and that it is actually a structure fire. Ooopppsss....

So we now have a slightly different scenario. Instead of staging at the entrance to the bottoms for water supply, I now have to go all the way to the scene. This means I have to go down roads, well I guess you could call them roads, I've seen pig trails that were better developed, that I'd just as soon not put a 30,000+ pound engine down. At least I'm not in the tanker...

We arrive on location to find that the house was being demolished, but whoever was doing the work just little the rubble on fire and left. Not smart considering the dry conditions. So we put it out. At least it gave my rookies some hose time.

Winged Attack Stinging Pests

This past weekend, while attempting to mow my lawn, I was stung by some unknown creature on my back. Luckily, I keep a pouch of chewing tobacco in the freezer for just such an emergency, so I ran into the house and moistened some under the faucet (no way am I putting that vile stuff in my mouth) and placed it on the affected area. I took two Benadryl and two ibuprofen and went back to work, never figuring out what it was that stung me or from where it came.

Until today.

I check my mail this afternoon after I arrived home from work. No sooner did I open the mailbox door then... BAM!!! BAM!!! One hit to the left arm, another to the right, with a third buzzing furiously about my head and chest. I back quickly away, hoping to avoid a third sting. Fortunately, the little b@$t@rd didn't feel like pursuing.

So I head into the house and administer treatment. I then plotted my revenge. Since I didn't feel like replacing the mailbox, using the flamethrower was out, but I do always keep a can of wasp and hornet spray in my truck. So I retrieve said can and quickly dispatch the offending insects to wherever they go in the afterlife. Probably to hell to terrorize the damned.

Now I wait for the Benadryl to kick in and take me off to la-la land...

Working on Labor Day

Well, for the record, as a teacher I had Labor Day off with regards to my paying job. But as usual, this means that I spent it at my non-paying job. The FD held a fire apparatus and equipment expo, with several manufacturer reps showing up to show off their newest toys. While not a resounding success, it does give us something to build off of next year.

So I was out in the sun all day. I look like a raccoon where my sunglasses were, the white standing out against the red. That'll teach me to wear sunscreen next time. Right now I'm tired and ready to call it a night so I can be ready for my paying job tomorrow.

Don't Touch my Willie!!

There are certain songst that just should not be played on the radio when you are driving. I remember getting a speeding ticket once while jamming out to "Eye of the Tiger." It was the song's fault, I swear...

So I'm listening to the radio driving home when this song comes on the radio. It talks about a girl coming over wearing a low-cut dress and carrying a bottle of wine. Somewhere in there she starts rummaging through the singer's album collection and starts to play "Red-headed Stranger." That's when I almost lost it. The chorus exhorts the girl not to touch his Willie. Talk about double entendre. I started laughing so hard I almost ran off the road.

Anyway, here's the full lyrics for your amusement:
She showed up at my house at half past nine
In a low-cut dress with a bottle of wine
She said this will be a night you won't forget

She poured us some drinks to get us into the mood
I reached for the lights, she reached for my tunes
She pulled out that Red Headed Stranger, I stood up and said

Don't touch my Willie
I don't know you that well
Help yourself to some Haggard or some Jones
Hell, or anybody else
I don't know what you heard
I ain't that kind of guy
Yeah so don't touch my Willie,
We'll get a long just fine

She said she never met a man like me in her life
Who wouldn't share his Willie on the very first night
I said it's nothing personal, don't take it so hard

I don't pull out my Willie for just anyone
There's a lot of other records that you can choose from
So let me make myself clear before you go too far

Don't touch my Willie
I don't know you that well
Help yourself to some Haggard or some Jones
Hell, or anybody else
I don't know what you heard
I ain't that kind of guy
Yeah so don't touch my Willie,
We'll get a long just fine

Keep your hands off my Willie,
We'll get along just fine

That's some funny $h!t, I don't care who you are...