A Fair Trade Proposal for Mexico

Since you seem so intent on shipping most of your citizenry to the US, I think it's only fair that you take a portion of our citizenry into Mexico. I propose two groups, the criminal drug addicts (which only makes sense, since Mexico is their prime supplier) and the typical yuppy scum that blights our landscape with their smug smile, sipping cappacinos, and driving their BMWs, Acuras, or SUVs.

Why do you ask am I so indisposed towards yuppies? Well, I just spent the last two days doing a fundraiser for the VFD of which I am an officer and member. This fundraiser is a simple fill-the-bucket at the only four-way stop in the area. Nothing major, people drive by, roll down their window, and drop whatever they feel appropriate into the bucket. We've gotten everything from a handful of pennies to a hundred-dollar bill to a diamond ring.

Why do this type of fundraiser and not others, you may ask? First, it is easy to organize and requires little manpower. Second, the amount of money it raises per hour is quite good. And third, 75% of all MVAs in our district involve out-of-towners. Our department is not supported by a city or any type of taxing authority. Instead, we rely on a per-run contract with the county and on donations. So fundraisers like this are very important.

Anyway, as I worked this fundraiser, I noticed something that began to grate on me the longer the fundraiser lasted. I noticed that your average working-man or woman, no matter their ethnicity, were donating at a much higher percentage than those who, by appearances, seemed to be much better off financially.

In fact, it was so bad that it was surprising when someone driving a BMW, Acura, Cadillac, any upscale SUV, etc. would donate. Most would stare straight ahead, pretend not to notice that we were even there (hard to ignore the big red trucks with flashing lights), and drive on.

Someday, somewhere, they are going to need the services of a VFD and I hope they remember all the times they didn't donate. Moreover, I hope that the VFD is actually able to respond quickly and not be held back because of lack of funds because pricks like themselves wouldn't donate.