Singing in the Shower

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to sing. Opinions on how well I sing are varied, but I do love to sing.

About seven years back I had a chance to audition for a progressive-metal band call "All Too Human" (www.alltoohuman.com) whose lead singer had quit. Maurice, the bassist, and another guy come over to the house and I sang a few Queensryche songs for them. He then hands me a cassette tape of their latest album and tells me to listen to it and see if I can handle the songs.

The next morning on the way to work I pop the tape into the player of my truck. WOW!!! This band is awesome. The arrangements, playing, vocals... WOW!!! They were a cross between Queensryche and Dream Theater with a very healthy dose of Rush tossed in. And in true prog-metal fashion, the lyrics were incredible.

The first song was called "What Do You Call Me Now?" and it swooped and soared. I tried for weeks to wrap my vocals around it, but never could consistently. So I never called Maurice back and let the opportunity slip away like shadows in the night.

I still sing it occassionally in the shower. It still frustrates me in ways few other songs can. I still cannot consistently hit the notes. I hadn't sang it in several months when it popped into my head last night. Once again, I couldn't master this song, but the lyrics stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Free to question why.
To seek the truth
And weed out all the lies.

The banter of the innocent,
Running through my mind.
Vanity and arrogance,
Echo the voices, of uncertainty!!

What do you call the point
Between the silence and the sound?
What do you call the angels
Turned inside out?
What do you call the dreamers
Taken from their dreams?
What do you call me now?

Free to speak your mind.
Ignore the truth,
To see and still be blind.

The shattering of innocence,
Guilt inside my head.
Isolated circumstance,
Leads to the feeling, of uncertainty!!

What do you call the point
Between the silence and the sound?
What do you call the angels
Turned inside out?
What do you call the dreamers
Taken from their dreams?
What do call me now?

Free to see the lie,
To hear the truth
And know it's just a lie.
Just a lie!!!

What do you call the point
Between the silence and the sound?
What do you call the angels
Turned inside out?
What do you call the dreamer
Taken from his dream?
What do you call me now?

What do you call me now?

What do you call me now?"

The rest of the album was as good, if not better, lyrically. I'll have to go back and listen to the album, a Google search turns up nothing useful, and post the lyrics here from time to time.

Careful, you'll put an eye out with that thing!!!

Most people, when questioned, would rank a tootbrush on the list of potential sight destroying objects near the very bottom. They would be wrong.

First, let me preface this by first explaining that I don't brush my teeth in the approved ADA fashion. None of this namby-pamby up-and-down motion. Nope, I brush my teeth the way God intended, in a side-to-side motion. Second, my mother taught me that if you're going to scrub something, by God SCRUB it!!! So when I brush my teeth, I do it VERY well!!!

This has led at least one ex-wife to comment on the state of my tootbrush, with its bent and frayed bristles. At least I didn't get my first filling till I was in my twenties...

So the other night I'm brushing my teeth in my typical side-to-side, bristle destroying fashion, when the toothbrush breaks. Literally the head snaps off, leaving only a sharply pointed object any prisoner would prize. Now, this couldn't happen during an outward stroke, could it? Nope, this newly-made shank is now hurtling inward towards my innocent teeth and gums. But the laws of physics state that for every reaction, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. So as the brush portion falls into the sink, the shank is now propelled outward.

Towards my eye.

Luckily, the force wasn't sufficient enough to reach that far, but the broken toothbrush did go into my cheek, right below the eye. OUCH!!! Hurt like hell, but a cursory inspection showed it didn't break the skin.

So I'm left standing there, foam coming from my mouth, wondering how I'm going to finish brushing and thankful I can still see myself in the mirror. With both eyes....

"Humans tend to fear that which they do not understand...

... and destroy that which they fear."

When we perceive that a friend is being hurt, not fully understanding the situation, we lash out at the perceived threat... and something is destroyed.

When we perceive that viscious lies are being told about us, not understanding the motives, we lash out blindly at the perceived liar... and something is destroyed.

So much destruction based on our inaccurate perceptions... if our reality is based upon our perceptions, which prove false, can someone please tell me what is real?

I'm tired of all the mis-understanding, fear, and destruction, all based on a mutually skewed perception. Time to step back and search for a new reality....

Like cats on a hot tin roof...

... trying to cover up $h!t. It doesn't work and the stench is still there. Others know the truth that the lies are meant to cover up.

How does it feel to have the finger pointed at you for something you insist you didn't do and no one believe you? And the louder you protest your innocence, the more others insist that "guilty dogs bark the loudest." Frustrating, isn't it?

Welcome to my world....

Lessons learned from history

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a History teacher that truly believes the philosophy of Georges Santayana, "Those who do not understand the past are doomed to repeat its failures."

King Louis XIV of France once said, "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer." Sage advice. He used it to bring peace to a nation that had been wracked by a seemingly endless cycle of civil war by bringing the powerful nobles to the court at Versailles. There they became immersed in court ceremony and intrigue and were far from their own power bases, where they might plot insurrection. Louis kept a very close eye on his enemies.

The problem is, Louis didn't give an even more important piece of advice, because I don't believe even he knew the answer: How do you tell the difference?

An Ode to Buford

Throughout my life, I've been privileged to have been owned by a few really exceptional dogs. When times have been the most troubling, they have been the ones to stand patiently by my side. Somehow they sense when you are depressed and need someone or something to hold on to, an anchor in this fast-spinning world. Apollo and Heidi (both RIP) were both there when my marriages fell apart. Now Buford is there for me when life's current troubles drag me down.

Everyone has seen the t-shirts or posters about why dogs are better than either men or women, or even cats. Dogs are just bettter, period. They don't care who your friends are and they don't judge you. They just live to be near you, no matter what the circumstances. They are truly man's best friend.

Well, It's Official...

... today I got my first bill in my new abode. The electric bill finally arrived today. I did some mental math for the amount of time in this billing cycle and extrapolated the data to come up with an estimated monthly bill. And damn near had a heart attack!!! HOLY $H!T!!! Then I took a second look and realized that there were extra first time fees on this bill, re-did the math... and breathed a sigh of relief. Much, much better... more in-line with my budget forecast.

On top of that, my truck gave me fits again today, but it appears that the problem may have simply been a loose battery terminal. Gotta love GM products and their asinine way of connecting cables to the battery. I'm to the point that I keep wondering what next. Story of my life...

Gotta Love the Country

First, a little background info about my life. I grew up in a small, rural community. Life as a child was wonderful, with our own fresh veggies from the garden and a freezer full of beef from one of our cattle we slaughtered. I wouldn't trade anything for the experience.

Off to college I went, going to a small city. After that, I moved to the really big city of Houston before settling down in the medium-sized city of Denton. There were things about Denton I loved, like how it still had that quasi-small town feel, but still had places to shop and wonderful restaurants. Crime and traffic were never a problem. Life was still good.

However, things change and do to circumstances somewhat beyond my control, I wound up back in my old hometown. Traffic was even less of a problem and crime, well with nearly everyone keeping a loaded shotgun by the door...

But there are some bad sides, one of which recently reared its ugly head. I'm talking about rumors. Around here it's called "Prairie Wildfire" and it's just as bad, if not worse, than anywhere else. You see, in a rural community, there aren't a lot of of social activities to go to, so people tend to sit around and talk... and talk... and talk. Gossip is the favorite past-time in these parts.

Unfortunately, most of the rumors aren't true. Even more unfortunately, one has been started about me. I won't go into details, but needless to say I'm not happy about it. In addition to being false, it calls into question things that I prize dearly, namely my honor and integrity. I've been relatively quiet about the matter, hoping it will just blow over, but it hasn't. Now enough is enough and I'm fast reaching the point of being fighting mad. And like David Banner, you wouldn't like my when I'm angry.

It's enough to almost make me wish I'd stayed in Denton. I didn't have to deal with this $h!t there. There were more things to do, so people didn't have to pass there time starting rumors.

As seen on...

Not a week goes by that I don't get an e-mail from a friend or acquaintance that tells me how I can get money from AOL, Microsoft, Yahoo! or some other big-name computer industry corporation just by forwarding some e-mail. Obviously these people have never heard of the website www.snopes.com.

What makes it even funnier is that they seem to think that this is a legit scheme because someone claims to have seen it on the "Today" show, or "Nightline," or maybe it was "60 Minutes." It's amazing how gullible some people can be, that just because it supposedly comes from a supposedly reputable source... well, that doesn't always mean it's the gospel truth.

There are Computers and there are...

Friends of mine came over last night with a PC game for my son. Whilst setting everything up, the wife commented on how fast my computer was compared to theirs. I asked how old their PC was, with the answer being about a year or so. Now my computer is over four years old, so it being faster than a much newer computer is something to brag about. So I asked what brand their PC was. I won't mention it hear for fear of corporate lawyers descending en masse, but it was one of the major players. Suddenly everything made sense.

Did I mention that I built my own computer, purchasing the various parts and assembling it? Hence the reason I work on it myself... there's no computer shop that knows as much about this machine as I do.

The problem with the big boys is that they put so much crap on the PC coming out of the factory that it slows it all down. In fact, someone actually came up with a program called "D*** De-Crapifier" for one brand just to get all of the un-needed stuff off. And, on top of that, some of the hardware decisions they make completely confound me. I mean, they'll take a really fast CPU and hamstring it with a slow video card or with minimal memory.

They do this knowing that the average un-informed consumer won't know the difference. They'll just see 3.4 Gigahertz, yada, yada... and be impressed. They don't know that processor speed is just one piece of the puzzle, that you have to put it all together.

Tempting Fate

Alright, everything seems to be falling in line. The move is completed, the truck is fixed, the computer is fixed, etc. I managed to get one day of solitude, which gave me some much needed R&R and allowed the mental pendulum to swing slightly back to the sane end. Three solid days of rain have had the effect of cleansing my mind and soul.

I know, just saying that everything is going well means that all hell is about to break loose...

1.2 Billion Chinese are Mad at Jack Bauer...

... seems like a fair fight.

That's from a list of "Jack Bauer Facts" I got in an e-mail a few months back. Now if you don't know who Jack Bauer is, well, I'm not going to even try and explain. Either you know Jack or you don't know Jack...

For the last few months, life has been so hectic I haven't had a chance to watch my favorite TV shows, which include "24" and all three "CSI"s. Thank God for TiVo!!! So I finally jet around to watching some of the shows and manage to get throught all the episodes of "24." Damn, what an ending!!!

Are the Chinese really that stupid? Or are they really that committed to the whole population control thing? I mean, kidnap Jack and put him on a ship to take him to China. Ah hell, now all you've got is a pissed-off Jack Bauer and 1.2 billion potential targets...

Ah, the Joy of Computers

Well, I finally managed to get my truck fixed after much cursing and many trips back to the parts store. Then my computer decides to die, or at least slip into a coma. All day Friday it would either lock up or spontaneously re-boot. I worked on it all day Friday and into Friday evening, trying various tactics to get it back on its feet. I went to bed Friday with it running a memory test to rule out a problem with the motherboard, processor, or memory.

Woke up this morning with it having passed the memory test with flying colors. OK, so that's not the problem. Stripped it down to the bare essentials and it worked fine. Started adding peripherals and it died. Hmmmm... finally localize the problem and start to make some headway when.... the power goes out. And stays out.

Finally the power comes back on around 18:00. More work on the computer sorting out minor errata till I finally got it all up and running. It's now after midnight, but at least I'm on the 'Net, posting to this blog.

Timing is Everything

I finally get moved into the new house, along with the requisite financial drain that entails, especially all of the deposits that you have to put down. So needless to say I'm having a slight cash flow crisis at the moment, and guess what happens? The AC goes out in my truck. Couldn't have happened four weeks ago or four weeks from now when the crisis would have abated, could it? Nope, it HAD to occur now.

It just proves my version and addendum to Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will. And it will occur at the absolute worst time and place."

Just when I thought I could let out a sigh...

... Saturday turns into "one of those days."

Started off getting awakened by the pager going off, dispatching the FD to a brush fire. Out of bed I come, get dressed quickly, and head to the station to pick up a truck. Now that I've moved, I'm at least two-to-three minutes further away, so I expect people to start showing up either before I get there or shortly thereafter. Guess what? No one else shows, it's just me. Great!

As I go enroute, dispatch advises that the reportee has called back and the fire is now one-half acre in size and moving fast. I request a second tone and that Cleveland VFD be dispatched for mutual aid. The fire is app. ten minutes away from the station, so as I drive I listen for additional units. Nothing!! Finally I hear Cleveland go enroute, but with only one on their booster!!! SHIT!!!

Luckily, I finally make location and the half-acre fire is actually no larger than MAYBE 30'x50'. I can handle this myself, so I disregard all other units.

I get home, piddle around the house, take a nap... normal lazy Saturday stuff, until 15:40. We're dispatched to a MVA involving a single motorcycle. I go direct to the location, finding a female lying on her side in the middle off the road with her fellow riders trying to keep her still. I reach behind the seat of my truck for my gear bag to get rubber gloves and... dammit... my gear bag is still at the station from this morning's call. I do a quick sizeup and advise dispatch to put a helicopter on standby pending arrival of the medic unit.

Next arriving unit is a DPS trooper and he thankfully has gloves. He advises to put the chopper in the air NOW and that we'll land it at the scene. Next up is my First Responder truck, followed quickly by the ambulance. I now concentrate on landing the bird. Next in is my Engine, blocking the roadway to setup the LZ. Bird lands and the flight nurse and medic go to the ambulance, where they work on patient for an extended time period, long enough that the chopper kills its engines.

While waiting, we're dispatched to a brush fire on the opposite end of our territory. I send the FR truck back to the station to pick up a booster, but luckily they're disregarded prior to going enroute.

We finish up the MVA/LZ scene and head back to the station. First thing I notice is that my S10 is running hot, the AC isn't working, and my volts are a little low. Well, it had been idling at the scene for over an hour-and-a-half, so I don't sweat it much. In fact, as soon as it starts moving, the temps drop to normal.

But, when I get to the station, smoke pours out of the hood. Not steam, smoke. Pop the hood and the AC compressor clutch is smoking badly. Kill the AC and let it run to cool down the clutch, noticing that the tensioner pulley is about to fall off. DAMN!! Gotta let the truck cool before I can do any work on it, so I go inside to fill out the run report. Just as soon as I sit down, we're dispatched to a report of a two-month-old not breathing. Back in the FR truck I go as we head to this new emergency.

Ambulance is already on location when we get there and I notice the father looks very familiar. His family had had a kitchen fire on Thursday evening and were staying with relatives. Talk about bad luck!! He's not handling it well so I do my best to calm him down. The paramedic then tells me to get a bird in the air and setup the LZ as close as possible. So once more the FD sets up the LZ.

Finally I get back to the station and manage to work on my truck. Replace the tensioner pulley, but the AC compressor clutch is making a horrid noise. But going home it blows cold air, so that's one minor victory. Ran it some yesterday and the more it ran, the quieter it became, so maybe it'll hold out.

Finally got to bed sometime around 23:00, what a day....

Moving on....

Well, after nearly two long years, I'm finally back out on my own. Two years ago, whilst unemployed and in the midst of a bankruptcy and a divorce, I was forced to sell my home and move back in with my parents. Now at the age of thirty-five, in addition to becoming the butt of many jokes, moving in with one's parents is cause to pull your hair out. Luckily, I keep mine cut military-short.

I managed to quickly find another job, but the home search was proving a bit more difficult. Either the homes were dilapidated dumps or they were priced WAY out of my range. Couple in the fact that the bankruptcy made financing exceedingly difficult and things quickly became frustrating. Unfortunately, apartments simply don't exist where I live, so that wasn't an option unless I wanted to move to the neighboring town. Fortunately, my parents were very understanding as I continued on what was quickly becoming, or at least appearing to be, a fruitless search.

Just about the time I was ready to give up and was resigned to the fact that I was going to have to build my home, five new homes were built with one-half mile of my job. More importantly, they were rentals and the monthly lease was within my budget. Yippee!!!

Of course, that meant having to move and all the requisite pain that accompanies the endeavour. Boxes and more boxes, couches, chairs, beds, etc. Trip after trip made between storage and the new home. Then all the unpacking and sorting. Did I mention I keep my hair cut military-short?

But it's done!! Everything is moved, unpacked, and placed where it should be. Que the big sigh of relief...